Hutchins: Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.
Mom: Is that the guy who invented the mattress?
Dr. Seuss: You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Mom: That’s ridiculous (hands waving in air). You can conjure in your dreams what you think it may feel like when you fall in love...but how the hell can you dream it until it happens? Absolute waste of words.
Einstein: Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Mom: Well then that person is not a Jew because God is infinite per Judaic teaching, which means so is the universe. But…if there’s a beginning there must be an end. I’d like to be around to find out. Hehe. That would be something that Groucho Marx would say. Or Woody Allen.
Me: It was albert Einstein
Mom: Whatever. I was talking about my wisecrack. Not the quote.
Wilde: Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.
Mom: (laughs) Really? (laughs again) Well how would your enemy know? If they're your enemy you're not going to be anywhere near them. Well that's not necessarily true. I've tried it. It doesn't work. Well...maybe it does work. Maybe he's right.
Camus: Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
Mom: (Hunting for remote) Well sometimes a friend has to lead. Sometimes a friend has to follow. And by the way, saying "don’t" to a friend is not very conducive to a friendship...
(Found remote) Putting American Idol & the dance competition on at the same time…I'm surprised that NBC boob Jeff Zucker wasn’t involved in that screwup.
Twain: Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth.
Mom: I used to know who said that.
Me: Mark Twain.
Mom: It's too bad he couldn't have lived his life according to that. I think they said he was a pedophile. So he did...love like nobody's looking.
Roosevelt: Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Mom: Oh, that I've heard for a long time. Without my consent? That is such bullshit. What about a cop when he's interrogating a 15 year old? How about your teacher? Or how about on American Idol when they tell you you've done a lousy job and you're inferior? So inferior measured against what? Whose definition of inferior?