Thursday, May 27, 2010

Oscar Wilde

Wilde: Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.

Mom:  (laughs) Really? (laughs again) Well how would your enemy know? If they're your enemy you're not going to be anywhere near them. Well that's not necessarily true. I've tried it. It doesn't work. Well...maybe it does work. Maybe he's right.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

CS Lewis

Lewis: Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.

 Mom: (turns head to right) That isn’t even worth an answer...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Albert Camus

Camus: Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.  

Mom: (Hunting for remote) Well sometimes a friend has to lead. Sometimes a friend has to follow. And by the way, saying "don’t" to a friend is not very conducive to a friendship...

(Found remote) Putting American Idol & the dance competition on at the same time…I'm surprised that NBC boob Jeff Zucker wasn’t involved in that screwup.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Robert Frost

Frost: In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

Mom: Not if you die. 

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Mark Twain Again

Twain: Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Mom: Is that, uh, you're, uh, mission statement?

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Albert Einstein

Einstein: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Mom: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the SAME result.

Friday, May 21, 2010


Cicero: A room without books is like a body without a soul.

Mom: (Hands on waist) What kinda books are they talking about? Is Mein Kampf one of those books?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Mark Twain

Twain: Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth. 

Mom: I used to know who said that.

Me: Mark Twain.

Mom: It's too bad he couldn't have lived his life according to that. I think they said he was a pedophile. So he like nobody's looking.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Eleanor Roosevelt

Roosevelt: Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Mom: Oh, that I've heard for a long time. Without my consent? That is such bullshit. What about a cop when he's interrogating a 15 year old? How about your teacher? Or how about on American Idol when they tell you you've done a lousy job and you're inferior? So inferior measured against what? Whose definition of inferior? 

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Friedrich Nietzsche

Nietzsche: Without music, life would be a mistake.

Mom: So somebody who's deaf, who can't hear music, they're life is a mistake?!? Who said that?

Me: Nietzsche.

Mom: What a jerk!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Dr. Seuss

Dr. Seuss: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Mom: Sure...unless it's your boss.